


Clipping G-ERTI's wings.

by Lydia_E_Nheers



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Angst, But it's not about that, Character Death, Established Martin/Douglas relationship, Gen, I Don't Even Know, M/M, MJN Air Is A Family, Whump, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-01-27 02:56:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1712408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lydia_E_Nheers/pseuds/Lydia_E_Nheers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin and Douglas get a call in the middle of the night. It's Arthur. His mum's had a heart attack. Unfortunately...people don't always make it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Call

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have anyone to either beta or Brit-pick, so any and all mistakes are firmly my own. I really hope you all enjoy it. And I really, REALLY hope I keep them....relatively in character. I hope.

It was eleven thirty at night when Douglas’ mobile rang, waking him. He fumbled for the phone sitting on the bedside table, accidentally upsetting an empty water glass. He unplugged it and stared at the screen.

“Who is it?” Martin rasped next to him. He opened one eye as Douglas struggled to a sitting position, rubbing his face. They had gone to bed early that night, exhausted from the trip they had just come home from, and they had to be at Fitton airfield bright and early the following morning.

“Arthur.” He grumbled darkly, looking at the illuminated screen before pressing the answer button as if it caused him great personal offence. “This had better be good, Arthur” he growled. “I hope you realize we need to fly to Russia tomorrow and…”

“Douglas.” Arthur interrupted. “Douglas, it’s mum.” His voice sounded small and lost. Douglas was immediately alert and in an instant, he flipped the light on; ignoring the hiss of protest from his boyfriend next to him. Martin rubbed his eyes and quickly sat up when he saw the look on his face. “What’s wrong?” he whispered, gripping his knee. Douglas waved him off.

“What is it, Arthur?”

“Mum. She-she was going to bed and…and she was saying goodnight to me when suddenly, her face turned a funny grey colour and then…then she made this gasping sound and her eyes went really wide. She fell down…said she couldn’t breathe…that her chest hurt. That she was having a heart attack.” Arthur took a shaking breath, and Douglas could hear him pulling himself together. “I called 999, and they came and took her to the hospital and I rode with her…in the back of the ambulance, which would normally be brilliant because they put the swirling lights on…but…I know it’s a bad sign when…when they turn the swirling lights on. They put oxygen on her nose so she could breathe. And she grabbed…grabbed my hand. She looked at me…and then she closed her eyes”

He took a sharp breath. His voice was trembling now and Douglas got up while he was talking and grabbed Martin’s jeans a t-shirt from the floor and threw them on the bed, he jumped up and began dressing.

“Okay Arthur, you did really well. Where are you now?” Douglas asked soothingly, his mind flaring with worry. He cradled the phone with his shoulder and put on his underwear and jeans.

“At the hospital. They took her right in, and no one will tell me what’s going on and…and I’m just waiting in the hallway and I don’t know what’s happening…”

“All right, did you call Herc?”

“No. I don’t have his phone number and mum…mum wouldn’t like me looking through her phone.” He let out a choked noise.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I will call him on the way. Martin and I will be there in fifteen minutes, all right?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Arthur hung up.

“What’s going on?” Martin demanded as he threw on his t-shirt and a jumper over it, and tossed Douglas the button down he had worn earlier in the evening.

“Carolyn’s had a heart attack.” Douglas replied matter-of-factly. “She’s at Fitton Hospital and I’m to call Herc.”

“Oh god.” Martin laced up his trainers. “She’s going to be okay though, right? I mean, she can’t not be okay.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine.” He put on his jacket and slipped into his loafers. “Carolyn’s way too stubborn to die.” He slipped his hand into Martin’s and gave it a reassuring squeeze, and then kissed his cheek. “She’ll be fine. Let’s go.”

They got out to Douglas’ Lexus and as Douglas drove, Martin took his phone and called a sleepy voiced Herc. He gasped in shock when Martin told him what was going on, and said that he’d be at the hospital in a half hour. He then thanked him for calling and like Arthur had done, had hung up without saying goodbye.

Martin looked over at Douglas and took his hand. “She’ll be okay, right?” he asked again.

“I’m sure she’ll be just fine. We have a big job lined up next week and she’d never let us miss it.” Douglas smiled, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. He kept his eyes on the road, he let go of Martin’s hand to grip the wheel tighter and Martin turned to look out the window.

When they got to the hospital, they went inside and took the lift up to the cardiac wing. As they approached the waiting area, they found Arthur. He was pacing around a group of chairs, his fingers twisting around each other. He was still wearing his slippers and pajamas, and Douglas’ heart tugged in his chest. They had rocket ships on them. His hair was askew as if his hands had been feverishly running through it, and he had never looked more like a child than right now. As they grew closer to him, they heard him whispering under his breath as he walked.

“C’mon mum. C’mon. You need to be okay. Please be okay. You need to be okay. Please…please be okay.” He looked up and saw Martin and Douglas approaching. His brown eyes were wide and slightly wild looking. His pulse jumped in his throat and his hands gave a convulsive jerk. “The doctor told me that it was a major heart attack and she needs emergency surgery. They haven’t been back since. I don’t…I don’t understand…”

Douglas made a soothing sound and gently led him to a chair. They sat down, Arthur in the middle of Martin and Douglas. He rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Did you call Herc?”

“Yes, Martin did in the car.” Douglas answered. “He’s going to be here in a few minutes.”

“Okay. Good.” He put his elbows on his knees and put his face in his hands. “It’s _mum._ My mum. How could this have happened?” His voice was muffled and tiny.

Martin met Douglas’ eyes over his back. They both understood very well how this happened. The woman was in her sixties, had a terrible diet and while she did walk the dog fairly often, didn’t exercise a lot, and the stresses of her job and of well…Arthur weren’t any help. “Sometimes…these things happen. Remember my mum had angina.” Martin answered and gripped his shoulder lightly.

"But she was fine though! She did say that she had a little jaw pain earlier and was going to book an appointment at the dentists when she got back. And she had said the night before that she wasn't feeling herself...but that could have been flu! But she was fine! Wasn't she fine? Did I miss something? You know I miss things an awful lot..."

"No, Arthur. She seemed perfectly fine yesterday. Didn't she, Martin?" Douglas squeezed and then patted Arthur's arm.

"Perfectly fine." Martin echoed quietly. 

They weren't lying. Carolyn  _had_ seemed perfectly fine. A little tired and she rubbed her jaw a couple of times, but no one thought anything of it...could that have been signs of what was going to happen? A coldness came over the captain and he sank into silence with the other two.

After about ten minutes of quiet, footsteps approached and all three of them looked up hopefully. It was Herc, running toward them. “I came as quickly as I could. Where’s Carolyn? What’s going on?” he asked sharply.

“Surgery.” Douglas said softly and stood up. He took Herc by the shoulder and led him away a bit as Martin stayed seated with Arthur, gently rubbing his back. The steward hadn’t moved from that position.

“She’s had a major heart attack.” Douglas’ voice was gentle and yet firm. “They took her in for emergency surgery. No one has told us anything else. She’s been in now for about forty five minutes.”

Herc’s already pale face only grew whiter and he clenched his jaw, nodding once. “Alright. Okay. I’m…I’m going to go and get coffee.” He turned on his heel and marched away.

Douglas came back to his chair and sat down heavily. “He’s gone to get coffee. We may be here awhile.” He said in reply to Arthur’s questioning look.

Herc came back with coffees for all four of them and sat down next to Douglas. They all remained silent. There was a clock on the wall, and the ticking was nearly deafening in the nearly empty room. Arthur eventually finished his coffee and stood to throw away his cup. “What are they doing in there?” he asked quietly, more to himself than to any of them. He sat back down and Martin reassuringly squeezed his shoulder.

 Slowly the clock’s hands moved and it was one in the morning. Douglas stood suddenly. “I’m going to email our client.” He explained. “Neither of us will be in any state to fly later…and well…they need to know that. I will assure them a refund is on the way.”

“Carolyn will have a few things to say about that.” Martin replied quietly and Herc chuckled softly as did Arthur.

Douglas went down the hall in the direction of the loo, phone in his hand. Martin watched him go, knowing that he probably needed a minute away from the tension, which was almost palatable in the air.

When Douglas returned a few minutes later, Martin spoke. “Remember that time we flew from Hong Kong to Limerick with that bottle of horse sperm on the flight deck?”

Arthur smiled. “Yeah, that was a brilliant trip.”

“Arthur. It was three days, hours upon hours in the air with a broken dvd player and no passengers. In what way was it brilliant?” Douglas raised an eyebrow.

“Well, they’re all brilliant. I love going up in the air with you and Martin and mum. I love the passengers too, but sometimes, it’s really nice when it’s just the four of us. Feels like a proper family, you know?”

“Yeah. I do.” Douglas had to actively resist the urge to ruffle Arthur’s hair. He gave up the ghost after a minute and did it anyway. A larger smile came over Arthur’s face.

“How about that trip when we had to shift the fire engines?” He asked.

“You mean the trip to Douz?” Martin asked, a broad smile coming over his face as he remembered that day.

“I think I was particularly brilliant on that occasion.” Douglas gently elbowed Arthur’s side.

“Well, you’re always brilliant, Douglas!” The steward actually sounded more cheerful. “You always come up with the solutions to everything.”

“I do what I can” Douglas replied languidly and got up to throw away his empty coffee cup.

“What’s this about fire engines?” Herc raised his eyebrows at Arthur. He understood full well what they were doing, and he supported them wholeheartedly. Distracting Arthur was a very good thing.

“Well, when we landed in Douz, the airfield manager was going to keep us there. I forget why though.” Arthur started.

“Because we didn’t have the money to pay for Panda Charters whose passengers of cricket players they were basically holding hostage in their airfield after stripping their plane for parts in lieu of their own payment, because they went bust.” Martin explained. “They nicked our fuel and put four large vehicles around our plane so we couldn’t move it.”

“But then I had the idea to steal the fuel from those vehicles and then have the cricket team we were bringing home for free shift the fire engine out of the way and then because the manager wouldn’t give us clearance for takeoff and we didn’t have enough fuel anyway, we decided to take a little joy ride through bits of the Sahara to the next city of Kebili about twenty miles away.” Douglas finished.

Herc’s eyebrows were nearly in danger of disappearing into his hair. “So you just illegally drove an aeroplane on a highway through the desert? Wow.”

“It. Was. Brilliant!” Arthur grinned happily.

“Hey, Arthur. Do you remember that day in Ipswich?” Martin asked.

“Yeah! That was brilliant! That pool drill thing was a lot of fun!”

“We dove into a freezing swimming pool with our uniforms on.” Martin explained to Herc who nodded in understanding. “That damned SEP course.”

“I can see why you thought it was good fun, Arthur” Herc replied with a smile.

“Oh it was! Oh and the polar bears! Do you guys remember the polar bears?!”

“Yes, Arthur. I remember.” Martin threw Douglas a mock-dark look. He had long ago forgiven him for that terrible prank he had pulled, but it still rankled sometimes. The row that had  

“There were polar bears in Ipswich?” Herc asked.

“No. Qikiqtarjuaq.” Martin grumbled.

“What’s…kickytarguack?” his tongue stumbled over the unfamiliar word.

“It’s a tiny village near the arctic circle. We had to fly a bunch of polar bear enthusiasts there once.” Douglas replied and smiled, remembering that colossal prank. One of his best, really. Though…a little mean. “Do you remember any of those facts that Carolyn made you learn, Arthur?”

“About the polar bears? Yeah! Loads!” He thought a moment. “Did you know that polar bears’ fur is actually clear?” He asked Herc. “It’s like these hollow tubes rather than fur-fur.”

“No. I didn’t know that.” Herc finished his coffee and got up to throw away the cup, taking Martin’s empty one with him, who thanked him. “Anything else?” He stretched before sitting back down.

“A female polar bear is called a sow. And their skin is black to absorb the sun more.”

“That is really interesting.” Douglas yawned behind his hand. “I didn’t know that.”

“Does anyone want more coffee?” Martin stood and stretched. “Tea?”

“I’m alright.” Douglas answered and Arthur shook his head.

“I’d like some more coffee actually.” Herc stood. “I’ll come with you.”

“Right-o.” Martin and Herc began walking down the hall.

“You okay, Herc?” Martin asked after a moment.

“Yeah. I just wish the doctor would come out and just tell us what was going on.”

Martin nodded and got a cup of tea from the dispenser they had stopped at, while Herc made himself a coffee.

“It’s really nice what you and Douglas are doing.” Herc said quietly on their way back. “Distracting him like that.”

“I think…we all need it.” Martin sipped his piping hot drink. “Carolyn’s closer than my own family. You know I got the job with Swiss Air.” He stopped and so Herc stopped walking.

“Yes, I did find out. I’ve been wondering, by the way; why didn’t you take it?”

“Because I couldn’t let MJN fold. At least…not yet. If it folds on its own, that’s one thing. But…I couldn’t be the reason Carolyn lost her business.”  
  
“Ahh. I thought it had something to do with a certain first officer Richardson.” Herc grinned at him.

“That was…part of the reason, yes. Along with a certain CEO being the reason why you decided on early retirement.”

“If I may share something with you, Martin. I had been wanting to ask her to marry me.”

“Yeah?!” He grinned and shook his hand. “Congratulations!”

“She hasn’t said yes yet.” Herc smiled and shook it.

“But she will do.”

“How do you know? Has she said anything?’

“No, of course not. But…she’s absolutely mad about you. Not in anything she says…or does…but…” he caught Herc’s slightly dubious look. “But in how she looks when your name is brought up. Slightly less…sergeant-like.”

“You know…that’s a real compliment if you’re talking about Carolyn.”

Martin laughed and nodded. “How did you like the sheep, by the way?”

“It was absolutely horrifying. I keep it in my flat.” 

The Captain shook his head in sympathy with a laugh as they made their way back to the waiting area. Upon arriving, they saw Douglas and Arthur laughing together.

“What’s going on?” Martin sat next to Douglas and Herc next to Arthur.

“We’re remembering that time where we had to fly that orchestra. Umm..where were we going again, Douglas?”

“Gdansk.”

“Right. So mum had this passenger named Madame…shishy…ermm.”

“Szyszko-Bohusz” Martin answered. “She was extremely paranoid.”

“Right. And you two had a game going with mum about trying to name the seven dwarves from Snow White.” Arthur went on, a smile lighting up his face. “And she kept thinking that we were trying to kill her! First it was the cashews, then it was the armrests and then when mum was getting annoyed with her, I tried to help and she didn’t like me and so then she insisted on mum and then she thought the game about the dwarves was a code or something!”

Herc was chuckling. He had heard this story before from Carolyn, but it was in the form of a rant about how passengers were ridiculous.

Arthur began giggling. “And then just as mum had finally gotten her calmed down and we landed, Skip announces the name of the seven dwarves over the intercom…” Arthur began laughing harder and couldn’t finish. His laughter was infectious and all three of the others started.

Martin and Douglas remembered the look on Carolyn’s face when she regaled them with the story over dinner that night with a little too much wine. Martin, Arthur and Carolyn had all gotten a bit tispy that evening, and Douglas had smiled over his water and laughed with them. It had felt cozy and tight knit in that small restaurant. Like the family he hadn’t had in a long, long while. By that point, Helena had admitted the affair, and they were in the process of separating, and that night was a much needed break from the fighting and the slow agony of getting used to sleeping alone again.

There was the sound of gentle footsteps heading in their direction. All four of them looked up to see a doctor clad in green coming towards them. The laughter died from their lips and they stood up to face him as he came and stood in front of them.

“Arthur Shappey?” he asked solemnly, looking at anyone but the rocket ship pyjama’d young man with the terribly wide eyes.

“That’s me.” Arthur answered. “How’s mum? When can I see her?”

“I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid we lost her.” He replied sadly, but with finality in his voice.

Arthur made a noise that sounded like he had the air knocked out of him. “What…what do you mean?” Douglas put a hand on his shoulder, feeling like he was going to be sick. He could hear Martin’s sharp intake of breath next to him.

“Her heart just wasn’t strong enough to make it through the surgery. I’m so sorry.” The doctor gently clasped his shoulder and walked away. Martin knew what was going to happen next. Soon, a kind faced woman would gently lead them to the mortuary and Arthur would begin the mountain of paperwork. But he wasn’t to know that.

There was the sound of paper rustling and then a wet sound. And then Douglas felt something splashing on his trouser leg. He turned his head and saw that Herc had dropped his cup of coffee and it was spilling all over the hideous green carpet. His face had gone the colour of ash.

“What does he mean?” Arthur demanded; voice weak and trembly. “What does that mean? Mum’s…mum…” his voice rose about three octaves as he rounded on Douglas. “You said she was going to be okay! Why isn’t she okay?! You’re really clever! Can’t you fix her? Douglas! You need to do something! Please!! She’s…she’s _mum!_ ”

“I’m so sorry, Arthur.” Douglas pulled him into a tight bear hug as Herc fell into a chair and Martin sat down next to him. “I’m afraid I can’t…your mum’s gone.”


	2. The Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carolyn's funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the delay in posting this bit. I lost my USB with all my work on it, so then I rewrote the chapter, then I found the stupid thing and then had to kind of copy/paste all the bits I liked from each into a new document. I really hope you enjoy this chapter.

“I hate speaking at these things.” Martin grumbled softly as Douglas adjusted his tie. “I had to do it when dad died and now…”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, we all are speaking.” Douglas finished straightening Martin’s tie and began fixing his own. “It’s for Arthur.”

It had been four days since Carolyn had died, and this morning was her funeral. Arthur had been staying with Herc since that night, and as far as Martin and Douglas knew, hadn’t been back to the house except to collect some clothes for both himself and for Carolyn to be buried in, and Snoopadoop.

Arthur had arranged everything, with Herc’s help. Douglas was impressed with how he had handled it all, fully expecting him to be overwhelmed with all the preparations that went into planning a funeral. Especially his mother’s. But he seemed to take it in his stride and when he shyly asked the two of them if they would speak along with himself and Herc, neither of them could turn him down.

 The morning after Carolyn died; Martin had called all of their clients they had booked in the next few weeks, and explained the situation, assuring them that they would all receive refunds in a timely fashion. They were all sympathetic and Mr. Alyakhin had sent flowers. Mr. Birling sent whisky, which made Douglas grin ruefully at the irony.

Martin had also called his mu, knowing that Wendy and Carolyn had gotten on and became friendly after meeting. After she tearfully agreed to come to the funeral and hung up, she immediately began cooking an assortment of casseroles and meat pies to bring to Arthur. She delivered them the following afternoon to Martin who went with her to Herc’s flat to drop them off.

Herc had answered the door, invited them in and put the kettle on. He told them that Arthur had gone to pick out a gravestone, while he was in the process of calling everyone that was a contact in Carolyn’s mobile phone and address book he had found at her house. He gratefully accepted the food and gave Wendy a hug like they had known each other for years.

“How’s Arthur?” Martin asked.

“He’s hardly here.” Herc replied, taking the kettle off and preparing tea. “He’s usually gone, either at the funeral home, or walking the dog.”

“He needs to keep busy.” Wendy said wisely and accepted the tea that Herc handed her. “If he stops, he’ll actually think about it and feel things. I was just the same when my husband, Martin’s father, died”

“I remember. You didn’t stop doing anything for weeks after.” Martin nodded.

“And it made it all the worse when I finally ran out of things to do.” Wendy took a sip. “This is very good.” She said to Herc who smiled his thanks. “It was terrible.” She added. “When I finally just stopped and let it all come, it hit me harder, because I hadn’t really let myself feel it at first.”

Martin remembered the three months his mother spent in bed after that, and vowed silently to himself that he wouldn’t allow that to happen to Arthur. That would destroy him, and them all to see happen.

Two days later, Douglas drove them silently to the funeral home. Upon arriving, they saw that Herc’s car was already there; the only one in the carpark. They were about two hours early. Herc was standing outside, smoking a cigarette by himself, his shadow was short in the bright sunny light of the morning. It was too bright and beautiful outside for a funeral, Martin mused to himself as they approached. Funerals were supposed to be raining and grey. Today would have been a perfect day to fly...Martin’s mind shied away from the thought, like having a dirty fantasy in church.

Herc looked up when they got close. “Carolyn always hated that I smoked these sometimes.” Herc gave a tight smile and took a drag. “I don’t suppose she cares much now.” He offered the pack to both Martin and Douglas and they both took one.

“If anyone could yell at you from the afterlife, it’d be Carolyn.” Douglas accepted the lighter from Herc and lit both his and Martin’s before handing it back.

“I suppose you’re right.” A flash of a smile lit his face and then it was gone, as was his lighter.

“Where’s Arthur?” Martin asked.

“Inside. He asked for a moment alone. With her.”

Arthur stood in front of his mother’s casket and just looked at her face. This wasn’t his mum. This couldn’t be his mum. This wasn’t the woman who had kissed his scraped knees when he was a boy, got him the interview with the Oxford Aviation Academy when he was seventeen, fought with his dad on his behalf, loved him with all her heart and called him idiot boy with all the fierce protection and love of a mother lion. This couldn’t be her. This pasty, overly made up woman lying here wearing his mother’s funeral dress and pearls. He had picked them out for the funeral home, but now, looking at her…she had never looked less like his mummy. He reached into his pocket and took out a frayed sheet of paper.

“Hello Mum.” He said quietly. “You see, I wrote you this, but you aren’t allowed to read it until you get to Heaven, okay?” He slipped it in next to her, fingers grazing her cold neck. He had to repress a shudder and a sudden wail of despair, as white hot grief rose in his throat like bile. “I love you, mummy. I really do. And I’m so sorry…” He cleared his throat. He was trying so hard to be grown up. To arrange her funeral, pick the flowers and the gravestone and her clothes. Herc did help with everything, granted, but he still did as much as he could when all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and just stop breathing. He rented a suit and tied his own tie all by himself, and he knew it was perfectly straight and the knot was even. He didn’t want to cry now. Not in front of his mum. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you.” Arthur said in a rush as he turned and ran from the room, wiping his eyes as he went.

Outside, both Martin and Douglas looked toward the funeral home and then back at Herc. Neither of them had any words now; so all three of them smoked in silence and shuffled their feet awkwardly.

Herc finished his and stamped out the fag end with his shoe and went inside without a word.

“He’s handling this well.” Martin took Douglas’ hand, and squeezing it once before letting go.

“He’s dying inside.” Douglas replied, throwing out his cigarette, half smoked. “I don’t smoke.” He turned to go inside. Martin tossed his aside and followed, wondering how Douglas was doing.

They had barely spoken about it since it happened; they just took on their respective duties without any real discussion. They ate together and did the washing up together and went to bed, curling up together and then sleeping, as they done nearly every night since Martin moved in six months ago. But it was as if they each had this weight tied around their individual necks. They hadn’t shagged however, four days has been the longest they have gone since they began their relationship. But neither of them felt up for it now. Not now.

Martin knew that Douglas was worried about MJN and what was going to happen. He hadn’t earned any money with them, so he was a little less worried about the income aspect of it, but Douglas earned his salary from Carolyn, and he knew full well just how unemployable he really was after being sacked from Air England. However, Martin was not going to bring it up until Douglas did. And Douglas wasn’t going to bring it up until more time had passed.

When they entered, they found Arthur standing near the door. “Hello, Arthur.” Douglas came forward and gave him a quick hug.

“Hello Douglas. Hello Skip.” Arthur replied and then hugged Martin. “I’m really, really glad you’re here.”

“Of course we’re here.” Martin tried to smile, and couldn’t quite do it. “She was a part of our family.” For the first time since Carolyn had died, Martin suddenly felt like crying, as the reality of what had happened finally hit him. Hard. Carolyn had died, and she wasn’t going to suddenly walk into the room and start giving orders. He took a deep breath and steadied himself. He would not let himself go to pieces here. Not now, not in front of _Arthur._

“Where did Herc go?” Douglas asked, looking around. “I wanted to ask him a few things.”

“He’s…” he jerked his head to one of the three viewing rooms off the large foyer they were in. “He’s in there.”

Martin and Douglas leaned slightly and looked into the room. It was a smallish room with two sections of chairs set up in rows with an aisle between them. At the far end, there sat the casket, with a kneeler in front of it. Herc was standing next to the head of the open box, his arms at his sides and his face down. Before they moved away to give him privacy, they both noticed that his shoulders were shaking, and saw him put his face into his hands.

They both moved away and sat down on two chairs in the foyer. “Do you chaps want some tea?” Arthur asked, gesturing to the hot water dispenser in the corner sitting on a table with cups, bags and a few packets of biscuits in a basket.

“Sure, Arthur. Thank you.” Douglas replied. He knew that Arthur truly loved helping and fetching teas and coffees. He actually did. He was proven correct when Arthur flashed them a smile, reminiscent of his old one and went and prepared tea.

He brought back three steaming Styrofoam cups and sat in another chair after passing them out. He looked like a little boy trapped in an adult’s body, and like when he wore the rocket ship pyjamas at the hospital, Douglas felt his heart breaking for him. He just looked so young and vulnerable. His hair was smoothed down and back and his suit fit him perfectly. His shoes were shiny and he looked so completely unlike himself. Especially in his eyes. When he looked up and met Douglas’ gaze, they were wide and brown and utterly devastated. Douglas had never seen him look so heartbroken and lost. As if his mum was the centre of his entire world, and without her, everything was off-kilter. Arthur silently drank his tea and looked at the wall. Douglas couldn’t think of anything to say. There was nothing to say. Arthur has just lost his mother, only parent and best friend.

Martin sipped his cup and thought about what he was going to say in just a couple of hours. The paper he had in his pocket was blank. For the last two days, he had been wracking his mind with increasing panic about what he was going to say. He hated speaking in front of people, and he was now in silent panic mode. He didn’t want to mess this up. For Arthur’s sake. And for Carolyn’s.

Douglas looked up as Herc came out of the other room looking composed, and if his eyes were a little red, he wasn’t going to point it out. Not today. He went and made himself a cup of tea before sitting down in the other chair.

Martin stood up suddenly. “I need a moment. I’m sorry.” He met Douglas’ slightly worried gaze and just nodded his head once, put his tea down on the table in front of their chairs and went into the viewing room. He strode up the aisle between the seats and stood by the casket.

The airline captain regarded her for a few silent moments. Carolyn didn’t look asleep. Or at peace. She just looked dead.  Her face was made up in a way she never did it before, and she was wearing what looked like a black dress with a string of delicate pearls around her neck. Neither of which Martin had ever seen her wear. She finally looked like what she always feared she would become in life; a little old lady. Tucked near her head was a sheet of folded notebook paper with what was undoubtedly Arthur’s scrawled handwriting on it. It was a little stained with watermarks and the edges were a little frayed as if it had been worried with anxious fingers. The outside merely said “Mum”

As he reached out and touched that piece of paper, Martin again felt the overwhelming urge to cry. This was _Carolyn_ of all people. The woman that he thought would live forever; being entirely too stubborn to do anything as stupid as dying.

“Carolyn.” He whispered, looking at her. He felt a tear sliding down his face and he wiped it away. “Why did you do this? To us? To your son? What are we going to do now, without you? How’s MJN going to go on without you?” He felt his breathing tighten in his chest. “How’s Arthur going to go on without you? How could this have happened? This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not to you. Not to the one person who gave me a chance. God…and I know why you did.” He gave a small snort with a smile. “Because I came cheap. God, better than cheap. Free. But…you still gave me a chance. You still let me be the one thing I always wanted to be when no one else would even look at me.” He let out a small sob as more tears came and he tried to wipe them all away. “It took me seven tries to get my CPL, you know. And yet you let me fly. And you always challenged me and made fun of me. Just like Douglas…you were demanding and rude sometimes and completely ridiculous. And yet…yet…I’m a better Captain. No. I’m a better man for having that” He looked at her unmoving face. “And for that, I will always be grateful to you. And I will always…” he cleared his throat and his hands began to shake. “I will always consider you part of my family. You…and Douglas, and Arthur…You were always more family to me than my own blood. And I knew that you loved us too…”

“And you introduced me to the love of my life.” Douglas’ soft voice sounded behind him. Martin turned around and saw him standing less than five feet away. He wiped his face.

“How long have you been standing there?” He asked.

“Long enough.” Douglas closed the distance and wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace.

“Chaps?” It was Arthur. They broke apart as he came closer to them. “Douglas...Skip…?” his voice cracked, and he was visibly trembling. As if the seams that were holding him together were finally ripping apart, unleashing the grief that had filled his skin.

Without any further words, both Martin and Douglas reached out as he reached back. They grabbed him, pulling him into a hug. The three of them stood there, arms wrapped around each other for several long minutes. Martin could feel Arthur’s body wracking as the sound of his sobbing filled the small room, only growing louder when his own joined in.

Douglas was crying too. He hadn’t wanted to. He had never thought he would. He hadn’t since he was a boy, and god didn’t _that_ feel like a million years ago? But as he held them both in his arms, he couldn’t help the full body wracking weeping as his face dropped onto Arthur’s shoulder.

Carolyn had given him a chance too. After he was sacked from Air England, no one in the world would hire him. But…she had given him a chance too. He did come cheaper than most first officers, but she still paid him to fly planes. The one thing he was good at and proud of. He may have failed as a father and husband, and hell; even as a man, but he could fly the hell out of aeroplanes.

Herc heard them and walked outside for another cigarette, giving the MJN family a moment to grieve in peace. He felt the sun on his face and there was a bench near the entrance where he sat down. The engagement ring he had picked out for her was sitting in his sock drawer at home. He had no idea what he was going to do with it. He never got a chance to ask. He ran a hand through his short, grey hair and let out a bitter laugh. He was four times divorced and had been madly in love with a woman who in all likelihood would never have married him in the first place. ‘How ironic.’ He mused to himself, as he inhaled. ‘I finally found the one person I know I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, after four divorces and years of searching. I find her…and less than two years together…she dies on me. Before I could even get her to marry me.’

He turned his face to the sky. Hercules didn’t believe in god or heaven or any sort of thing. But he looked up at the clear blue sky, which seemed to mock him. It was _so_ like her. “I’m going to play Puccini extra loudly in the car on the way home. Just for you.” He said aloud and for the first time in four days, he smiled. He stood and stamped out his cigarette end before going back inside.

The other three had composed themselves and were sitting back in the foyer when Herc returned. All of them were sporting red-rimmed eyes and they all looked completely drained and exhausted.

“Buck up lads.” Herc said with a small grin and patted Arthur’s shoulder. “The party’s just getting started.”

Douglas let out a small laugh and stood up. “I can’t handle any more of that tea. I’m going out and getting coffee. There’s a café a block away. We have an hour before anyone else is coming. Anyone want anything?”

Hercules declined politely but both Martin and Arthur asked for coffees. Douglas left with their drink orders jotted down on a scrap of paper he tore off the guestbook near the door.

He was glad, actually for the few minutes alone. He got to the Lexus and kept the windows down during the short drive. He would usually have walked there, but he was wearing a suit and uncomfortable shoes. That, and he was grateful for the breeze on his face. He felt like had been through the wringer already, and Herc was right. Things were just starting.

He could only imagine how Arthur felt. At least he and Martin could go back to the home they shared, and Herc could go back to his own flat. But Arthur would eventually have to face that big house alone. And he would have to go through her things soon. It’s not like Carolyn left him a fortune; MJN had quite a bit of debt and Arthur would have to clear it up and decide what to do with the business. He knew that Gordon would be chomping at the bit to get his hands on GERTI once again, and Douglas wondered just how Arthur would handle that. But that was a question for another day. Now, it was just about getting him through today. Today was what mattered. Today he was going to say goodbye to and bury his mum, and come what may, his little family would be there with him. 

He ordered himself a black coffee with a shot of espresso, Martin wanted a coffee with cream and two sugars (he preferred tea, but when truly in need of caffeine, he turned to coffee) and Arthur wanted a coffee with extra cream and six sugars. The barista looked at him a little funny when he ordered it, but he honestly couldn’t give a toss. He then ordered Herc a tea. He had worked with the man for years and knew that he would be in need of something.

Upon arriving back at the funeral home, he found all three of them sitting on a bench outside and he gave Arthur and Martin their drinks, and then handed Herc his tea who took it with a grateful look on his face, proving him right.

He sat down next to Martin, and without thinking about it, all four of them raised their cups. “To Carolyn.” They chorused, except Arthur who said “To mum” and they all drank. It was fitting somehow, to toast her without alcohol, but hot beverages. The thing that kept them all going during long flights when the word games ran out and they hadn’t quite yet convinced themselves that this time, charades wouldn’t be so bad.

They drank to her memory in silence a moment until Douglas broke it by saying “Remember the time we had that flight deck Christmas?”

Arthur smiled widely. “Best Christmas ever. We should do that this year.”

“Perhaps.” Martin smiled back and met Douglas’ eyes. The question ‘Would there be a flight deck for them to have Christmas on this year?’ was reflected back at him. Douglas blinked and Martin understood. Not today. He was not going to mention it today.

“Perhaps we can have Christmas at my flat.” Herc said. “I have an amazing recipe for scalloped potatoes that even your mum liked, Arthur.”

“That sounds brilliant. But…will you…want to?” he asked softly, his fingers twisting around his coffee cup. “Mum…mum won’t be there.”

“Arthur.” Hercules looked at him with almost reproach in his eyes, but mostly sadness. “Do you really think I’ll stop wanting to be in your life just because Carolyn is gone?”

Arthur looked at the ground and Herc reached over and gripped his shoulder. “Just because your mum is dead, doesn’t mean I want to stop being in your life. I promise you. You know, I was going to ask your mum to marry me.”

Arthur looked up at him, eyes going wide. “You were? Really?”

“Yes. I bought the ring and everything.” Herc sighed and took a sip of tea. “And I know that if I did marry your mum, I wouldn’t just be gaining a wife, but I’d be getting a son too.”

 Arthur looked at him, “You’d want to be my dad?” his voice was tinged with hopefulness and Herc was reminded just how much Arthur must have suffered with Gordon as a father.

One night, about a year into their relationship, Carolyn and he stayed up far into the night, lying in her bed and discussing their past relationships. He told her about all four of his ex-wives and what had gone wrong in their marriages. She talked about Gordon and told him everything. It was the first time she had ever opened up to him about anything personal and he held her while she spoke. And when she told him about the years of verbal abuse and neglect he put Arthur through, she had broken down and cried. Herc had kissed her and she told him darkly that if he _ever_ mistreated her son, she would end their…whatever this was so quickly, it would make his head spin. It was her fault that Arthur had gone through it with Gordon, and she would never allow it to happen again. He held her for the rest of the night, rubbing her back and whispering that it was not her fault. After promising that he would never, ever hurt Arthur. Or her.

“Yes.  That’s usually what happens when someone with a son remarries.” He answered, a year after that conversation. “And I do love you, Arthur. I’d be proud to be your dad.”

“I love you too, Herc. And…being your son would have been brilliant.” He smiled. “You’d be a great dad, Herc. I’m sorry you never had a real son.”

Herc took a deep breath and collected himself. “Just because Carolyn is gone, does not mean I still don’t want to be part of your family.” His voice cracked and he squeezed Arthur’s shoulder, clearing his throat. “I know your real dad was a pretty…not brilliant person. And if you’ll have me, I’d still step in.”

Arthur hugged him “That would be brilliant. Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” Herc hugged him back.

“Should I call you dad?”

“How about just Herc?” He grinned and patted his back then ruffled his hair as they pulled apart.

“Right-o.” he grinned and smoothed his hair down.

Silence fell over them again as they finished their drinks. Finally Martin broke it. “Arthur, people are going to start arriving soon. Do you know what to do?”

“Yeah. Herc told me. I have to stand by the mum to greet people as they pass by. It’s called a receiving line. And then after we all have to take our seats and then we’ll have the ceremony, we’ll all talk and then we’ll go to the cemetery.” He suddenly looked nervous. “Will you be in the receiving line with me? I mean…mum didn’t talk to aunt Ruth much, I don’t even know if she’s coming, and my grandmum and granddad are dead, and I don’t want to be by myself…”

“We’ll stand with you. Of course we will.” Douglas answered soothingly. “Right, Martin? Herc?”

“Yes of course.” They echoed. A car pulled into the carpark and all four of them stood. The funeral director; an elderly man with snow white hair poked his head out. “We’re to start in a moment.” He said with the practiced tone of a man who has been in this business a long time.

Arthur took a deep breath, visibly steadying himself, his face going pale. “Right, chaps. Let’s go?” Another car pulled in and parked.

The other three followed him inside, tossing their empty cups as they went. Herc gently led Arthur to his position near the casket. “You stand here.” He whispered. “I’ll be right next to you, as will Douglas and Martin. There will be tears and probably hugs. If it gets to be too much, just let me know and I’ll get you out. Alright?”

“Thanks.” Arthur whispered back and nodded as they took their places. Hushed voices sounded outside the room, and soon, people came in.

First it was Wendy along with Simon who looked unusually subdued and Caitlyn. They each knelt on the kneeler for a few seconds, and then went through the receiving line. Wendy hugged Arthur tight and kissed his cheek. “I am so sorry, Arthur.” She whispered.

“Thank you, Wendy. I appreciate it.” She nodded and moved onto Herc.

Suddenly, the room was filling rapidly with people. Various clients, friends, and family members all came streaming in, kneeling and then moving on. Arthur received them all warmly, shook their hands and thanked each one for coming. He noticed that neither his father, nor his auntie Ruth were there.

Herc was both impressed and saddened watching him with all these people. He was so grown up, and therefore completely unlike himself. Gone was the wonder and utter delight with the entire world that shone in his eyes. It was replaced by this empty, hollow, flatness. God, Herc had never thought he would ever actually miss the childlike exuberance that had Arthur bouncing around like an overly excited puppy. But if that meant he was replaced by _this…_ god, it hurt him to even think about.

The vicar entered the room soon after people began arriving. He was a short, balding man with coppery hair and matching bushy eyebrows. He approached Arthur and shook him by the hand and expressed his condolences. They had been in contact for the last few days, but today was the first time they had met face to face. He asked Arthur several questions about Carolyn to make sure he had his notes right and quickly went over the ceremony. He would say the opening prayers and remarks, the four of them would speak, he would close, then the pallbearers (Martin, Douglas, Herc and Arthur all confirmed it would be them) would take the closed casket to the hearse outside. Then at the cemetery, he would say a few more prayers and she would be buried. Arthur nodded and said he didn’t have any further questions. He nodded and moved outside the room to get some tea before the service. The funeral director and two other employees closed the casket and moved it to the middle aisle where it rested on a small platform.

After what seemed like only a few minutes, the room was full and everyone was sitting in their seats. Arthur looked wan and pale but he nodded when Herc leaned down to whisper that it was time for them to take their seats and nodded to the front row.

All four of them sat down together and Douglas covertly squeezed Arthur’s shoulder as he took a seat next to him. Then he reached and took Martin’s hand, squeezing tight. When the captain looked at him with surprise, Douglas gave him a look that plainly screamed “Do not let go of me. Please do not let go.” Douglas was feeling uncomfortable and Martin knew it. So he nodded once, and left their clasped hands on his knee, though he was not usually on about public affection.  

It only took a few minutes before Arthur was called to speak. He rose and went to the small podium and took a sheet of paper from his pocket. He adjusted the mic so it came to just his lips. “Hello, and good morning. Thank you all for coming to my mum’s funeral.” His hands were shaking and so he put them into his pockets. “I’m supposed to speak about my mum. But there are too many things to talk about. So I will just say this much. My mum was the best mum ever. She loved me so much and fought so hard for me.” He scanned the room. He was right then. His father was not there. And his heart dropped into his shoes. He was truly alone. He took a deep breath, steadying himself and tried so very hard not to cry.

“My mum… _loved_ me. But not only that but she was my best friend too. When she got GERTI, that was the most brilliant thing. She always wanted to have her own business. And I was so proud of her for doing it. She just…did it. You know? She started her airline and it was a success, as many of you out there would know. She was brilliant.” He attempted to smile and it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “And then she hired Douglas and eventually Martin, they became my family with her. Then Herc joined us. They were my family. They are my family still. And I know…I know I’m not the easiest son to live with. I am an idiot. I am. You may not know that about me. But I frequently mess things up and do things wrong. I know that I’m not the best son. But mum didn’t care. She loved me anyway. And when mum was around, I knew that…” his voice failed him and he looked at his MJN family, and he saw nothing but support on their faces. He looked back at the others. “When mum was around…I knew that someone loved me. I’m sorry. I can’t…” he stumbled away from the podium and Hercules stood up to pull him into a hug before they sat down. He was crying into Herc’s shoulder and he wrapped his arm around him. “We love you. We really do.” He didn’t care about who saw. No one else in that room mattered.

The vicar called for Douglas and he stood, going up to the front. He cleared his throat. “My name is Douglas Richardson. Carolyn’s First Officer. Carolyn was an impossible woman to work for.” The room tittered. “She really was. She was rude, demanding, bossy and just impossible.” He paused, allowing for build-up. “But she was fierce. She was expectant. She understood that you needed to work hard for what you want. She was fearless. She and I clashed all the time. But I had nothing but respect for her. And love too. Because she was all of those things, but the thing that really summed her up was that she was compassionate. She took her chances on me. I’ve made mistakes in my past which rendered me pretty much unhirable. And while I won’t pander to her memory to say that she hired me from a strictly altruistic place, I did come pretty cheap after all. However, she hired me nevertheless. She didn’t have to. But I’d like to think that she saw something in me; in that I am terrific at flying aeroplanes.” He smiled, even though he felt like breaking down again.

 He took a breath and continued. This was for Carolyn, he reminded himself. “I’m nearly sixty years old. I am a recovering alcoholic with three divorces under my belt. I have two daughters whom I lost parental custody for because I was too deep into a bottle of Talisker to take care of them properly. I was sacked from my job at Air England because I broke the law and got caught.” He looked at the crowd and nodded.

“I woke up one morning and realized I needed to get my life in order. I sobered up and have never slipped once. I reconnected with my daughters, earned their forgiveness and attempted to look for a job. I was pretty much unhirable at that point. This is where this remarkable woman comes into the picture. Because she saw past the failures of my past, and concentrated on my future. She took a chance and gave me a job. But not only that, but she actually cared about me. As a human being. And she and her son became family to me. Frankly…it had been a very long time since I felt that. She got me back into the air. And my life turned around. For the infinitely better.” He met Martin’s eyes. “And for that, I’m eternally grateful. So thank you Carolyn. You were the best employer I have ever had. I’m going to miss you.” He cleared his throat, swallowed past the ball that had settled there. “Thank you for everything.” He left the podium and sat down again. Martin immediately grabbed his hand and squeezed.

Arthur had stopped crying at that point and he wrapped his arms around Douglas and hugged him. “Thank you.” He whispered into his ear. “You were brilliant.”

“Thank you, Arthur. And I meant it.” He replied and rubbed his face with his palms and looked up at the ceiling. He caught Herc’s eye who jerked his head in understanding. He knew Douglas’ story and just how difficult this speech was.

Martin stood and took the place just vacated. He cleared his throat and suppressed the urge to run away. The eyes of everyone in the room were expectantly on him, and he saw his mum, sitting with his brother and sister near the back of the room. Wendy was dabbing her eyes and waiting patiently. He took a shaky breath and lowered the mic so he could be heard. “My name is Captain Martin Crieff. And the only reason why I am an airline captain is for the woman we are here celebrating today.” His hands were shaking, so he gripped the sides of the podium. “I’m not like Douglas, who just spoke now. When he says he’s terrific at flying aeroplanes…he is. I am not. It took me seven goes to obtain my CPL.” He knew that former clients were here, but he was beyond caring. “However, being an airline captain was the one thing I have wanted to do since I was a little boy. And it was the reason I was put here. And Carolyn Knapp-Shappey is the only reason I am one now. When I finally obtained my license, I got a rubbish job at a small airline where I hardly got the chance to fly. I was miserable. I interviewed for a First Officer’s position with MJN and when I told her I’d work for free in exchange for the Captain’s position, her eyes lit up and she hired me on the spot. So yes. I like Douglas, came cheap.” The crowd laughed a little and he smiled before going on.

“But I was eventually offered a job with Swiss Air. And I turned it down. I turned it down to stay with MJN. The reason why is because like Arthur and Douglas have said; I have a family here. And Carolyn is the reason why. Please don’t mistake me. Carolyn was insufferable sometimes. Especially when it came to money vs. safety.  She could be incredibly rude as some of our former clients sitting here will tell you.” Another little collective laugh “She could be demanding and bossy as well. But she challenged me. She made me a better pilot. She made me a better man. She kicked my arse around and eventually I grew and learned from it. And she loved. Boy did she love. She loved her son Arthur with all of the brilliance of a dying star. She loved her business and took such pride in being able to call herself the CEO of MJN. You know, she was the only one who understood what it was like to have people constantly doubting your competence in a position of authority and while she teased me about being Captain, I knew she understood why I feel the need to tell people what I am. Because she did too. She would tell anyone that listened that she was in fact, the CEO of MJN Air and not the stewardess. She loved me. She loved Douglas. And she loved Herc. Her…man she knew.” He looked at Herc who let out a small laugh.

“So today we say goodbye to a woman who loved as hard as she worked. A woman who demanded much and commanded respect from whomever she talked to. A woman who knew how to obtain her dreams, and never gave up, no matter how hard it became. A woman who took her chances on two risky pilots and a decrepit old plane and made them all better. A woman who became our family. Thank you, Carolyn. And goodbye. I’m going to miss you.”

He left the podium and sat down next to Douglas, who took his hand and held it tight. It was ice cold and trembling. Arthur leaned past Douglas and patted his knee. ‘Thank you.” He whispered. He nodded in reply as Douglas began rubbing comforting circles across the back of his hand.

Herc got to his feet and went to the podium. “My name is Hercules Shipwright.” He said after adjusting the mic again. “And I am the man she knew.” The funeral goers all smiled at him. There were a few sniffles dispersed amoung them. “I was not a member of MJN, but I was one of the people who knew her best. She would never say it aloud, so I will. We were in a relationship for the last two years. And I can tell you this. Everything she was in her business; she was in her personal life. She was rude, and demanding. She played practical jokes that were sometimes mean. But the thing I loved most about her…and perhaps the reason you are all here is because she was so unabashedly _her_.”

“She didn’t just ask for respect. She demanded it. She took it. She refused to kowtow to anyone. She commanded not only your attention and respect, but your loyalty as well. And eventually…my love. I admired her from the very start. The very first day we met, we got into a colossal debate that lasted most of the day. Then I asked her out on a date and she told me “I’ll call you.”  Which she did. Our first date was a lunch and walk in the park with her dog. We argued over my vegetarianism and dislike of sheep and her ridiculous dog.” He looked at Arthur’s slightly indignant face, and smiled. “It was the weirdest first date of my life, and honestly, the greatest. We’ve been together ever since.”

He paused and looked at everyone gathered here and took a breath. He wanted to get this right. For her. For Carolyn. “She took her chances on me too. I have four ex-wives. Each of my marriages ended amicably and yet the phrase ‘I have four ex-wives’ sets alarm bells off in nearly everyone’s heads. Yet Carolyn saw me for who I am; and as a result, we’ve been extraordinarily happy together.”

“I suppose at the end of the day, her main trait was as Douglas said; compassion. She seemed to surround herself with a motley crew, and I didn’t realize it until today.” His head hung for a moment and when he spoke again, his voice was thick. “I didn’t realize just how....” His breathing shook and he could hear crying throughout the room. “I didn’t realize just…just how much she truly loved us.” He left the podium and like he did for Arthur; Arthur stood and wrapped him in a hug before pulling him down to sit down next to him.

Douglas reached behind Arthur and squeezed his shoulder as the vicar stood back up and took his place at the front of the room.

Xxx

The cemetery was small and beautiful. The sun was brilliant and it was warm. The casket was lowered into the ground. Arthur threw a white rose on top of it along with Herc, Douglas and Martin. A few prayers later and everyone began to leave. Very quickly, the area was cleared out and just the four of them were left, the grave diggers standing a respectful distance away.

“Shall we get some lunch?” Douglas asked, Herc and Martin nodded. “Yeah. Sounds good.” Martin replied. All four of them were exhausted and hungry. Wendy was going to go to Martin’s and Douglas’ the following day and they were all to go and be with Arthur. That had been discussed the previous day.

“Chaps?” Arthur asked quietly, looking down at his shoes. “Can I get a moment alone? Please?”

“Yeah. Sure. Okay, Arthur. You take all the time you need.” Herc answered. “I’ll be in my car.” Douglas nodded and clapped his shoulder as he walked walk to his Lexus, hand in hand with Martin.

“Mum.” Arthur said quietly and sat down on the ground, looking down into the hole at her casket. For one wild moment, he had the urge to jump down, throw back the lid and look at her face, one last time. But he mastered himself. “Mum. I arranged all of this mostly myself, with Herc’s help. But I don’t know what I’m going to do about MJN. About G-ERTI and all of it. I wish you were here, you’d tell me what to do. Though…if you were here, I wouldn’t have to worry about it anyway. But I do wish you were here. Just know…I will never let dad have her. I know you left her to me, and I will always make sure that he doesn’t get her. I will run it the best way I can. I just…I wish I knew what to do now.” He got up and brushed himself off. Just before he turned away, he said quietly. “I promise I will make you proud of me. Okay? I’ll be brilliant. You’ll see.” He spun on his heel and walked to Herc’s car. He didn’t look back.


	3. Lunch and Home

Lunch turned out to be a relatively decent Chinese restaurant located on the edge of Fitton, about six blocks away from the funeral home. Martin and Douglas had followed Herc and Arthur and they entered the otherwise empty restaurant and were seated immediately.

The waitress had noticed the funeral procession passing by their windows, and about an hour later; four exhausted looking men in suits had entered and very quietly asked for a table. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together and so she was determined to make everything perfect.

After the hostess sat them in her section and she came over and asked if they wanted anything to drink. All four immediately requested tea _please_ ; and so she went to fetch it.

Herc handed the menus out from the pile in the middle of the table, and Arthur busied himself looking to see what animal in the Chinese Zodiac he was from the chart on his paper placemat. “I am…the…” he used his finger to search out his birth year. “I was born in nineteen eighty…so that would make me…a monkey.” Herc had to smile at that.

“Does it really?” Douglas asked, smiling at Martin and then back at Arthur. “How apt.”

“Yeah! It really is. It says that monkeys are energetic, love to have fun, agreeable…but…selfish” He frowned. “I’m not selfish, am I?”

“No. Of course you aren’t.” Martin replied. “You are much more brilliant than any monkey.” Arthur beamed at him. “Let’s do yours, Skip. When were you born?”

“Seventy seven.”

“Okay.  Right.” He used his finger to follow the chart. “You are…the….snake.”

“Oooo.” Douglas made a hissing noise, using his finger to tickle Martin’s ear before he slapped him away.

“It says here that snakes are seductive, charming, financially well off…” Arthur began reading off and Martin blushed scarlet all the way to his ears. Douglas bumped his elbow into his side teasingly.

“How about you, Douglas?” Arthur asked.

“Oh I don’t go in for all that stuff.”

 The waitress brought their teas, cutting off what Douglas was going to say next. She was glad to see them smiling, even if the redheaded man’s cheeks were flushed. She then asked if they were ready to order, and Herc explained sheepishly that they hadn’t a chance to look at the menu. She smiled and told them to please take their time, they were the first customers she’s had all day and left to give them some more time.

They opened their menus and fell silent for a few minutes. “Not a bad turnout.” Douglas finally said nonchalantly, looking at the various dishes.

“For what?” Arthur looked up. “Oh. For the…yeah. No not bad. There were loads of people.”

“My brother and sister came.” Martin took a sip of tea. It was piping hot and very strong. He figured that they weren’t used to serving black tea, as more customers would probably request green at a Chinese place. But it was still good. “Nice of them.”

“Jolly decent.” Herc agreed, still determinedly looking at the menu in front of him. “I wonder if the vegetable lo-mein is actually vegetarian.”

“You could ask.” Martin decided on the orange chicken and white rice before closing his menu.

“I will. But just in case it isn’t, I think I will have the vegetarian hot and sour soup, with a side of white rice.” He closed the menu.

“I think I will have the pork fried rice and general gao’s chicken.” Douglas put the menu on the table.

“My dad didn’t come.” Arthur said suddenly. He was holding the menu up, hiding his face behind it. “Nearly twenty years with my mum and he didn’t come.” His voice cracked.

Douglas didn’t have the heart to point out the rhyme. He could have kicked himself for even bringing it up.

Herc squeezed his shoulder and gave Douglas a slightly reproachful look, which softened when he saw the guilty expression on his face.

“I knew Auntie Ruth wouldn’t come…they hated each other. And I did sort of drop a cake on her. But…dad. Why wasn’t dad there?” He lowered the menu and looked at Herc, as if expecting an answer.

“Your father…You had a terrible father. And I’m sorry.” Herc answered and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed. “But remember what I said before. I’ll be your dad.”

“I know.” Arthur took a deep breath and steadied himself. “I just don’t understand how you can spend twenty years married to someone…and it wasn’t always bad. It was brilliant for a while, mum told me…before…well before I came along. I mean, she never said it like that, but it’s obvious. I disappointed him.” He looked at Douglas morosely. “I _am_ a clot. You know.”

Douglas’ heart broke. He couldn’t believe he had said that to him, and Arthur never forgot.

“Arthur. When we tease you, it’s because you’re our friend and we love you.” Douglas said quietly. “We don’t _really_ think you’re a clot. Or an idiot. You’re brilliant.”

“Really?” he asked, looking at all three of them in turn.

“Of course, Arthur.” Martin reached across the table and patted his arm. “You are brilliant, and one of my best mates. One of my only mates.”

“Yes of course, you silly clot.” Douglas grinned and Arthur grinned back. Herc squeezed his shoulder again and took a sip of tea.

The waitress came back for their orders and after explaining that while the lo mein was usually cooked with meat, because they were the only customers, the kitchen would have no problem making it wholly vegetarian for Herc, he thanked her profusely and ordered it with a side of vegetarian egg rolls. The others ordered as well and they all handed her the menus before she left with a smile.

“So what year were you born in, Douglas?”

“Fifty six” He rolled his eyes slightly. “So what am I? What secrets does the paper placemat hide?”

“Fifty six…that makes you…a…” he traced the chart and then broke out into a huge smile “A monkey! Same as me, Douglas!”

“No. Let me see.” He followed the chart and Martin poked him with his elbow. “So it would seem.” Douglas smiled at him. “I like monkeys.”

“Monkeys are brilliant!” Arthur then looked expectantly at Herc.

“Alright. Fifty seven. A whole year younger than Douglas here.” He grinned at him, and Douglas scowled back.

“That makes you…the Rooster! It says here that roosters are practical, straightforward, honest, and observant. Wow, you got a good one, Herc.”

“Thank you, Arthur. But I like yours best. It suits you. Except for the selfish bit. You aren’t in the least selfish.”

“Thank you. What a nice thing to say.” Arthur took a sip of tea. “What year was mum born in?” he asked softly. “I want to see if you two fit well together.”

“I don’t need a chart to tell me that.” Herc took a sip of tea and smiled. “Your mum was my perfect match. I just wish I didn’t find her so late in life.” He said a trifle sadly and took a sip of tea.

“But when w _as_ she born?” Arthur insisted, ready to look up her year.

“Forty six.” Herc answered. “She was eleven years older than me.”

“That would make her…a…dog.” He tapped the paper.

“She wouldn’t appreciate that.” Martin smiled.

“It says here that dogs are loyal, faithful, honest…”

“She’d appreciate that even less.” Douglas muttered and all four of them chuckled.

The waitress came by and refilled their teas, assuring them that their food would be ready soon before going off again.

Silence fell over them again as they drank their tea. Martin put his hand on Douglas’ thigh under the table and looked across the table at Arthur. He looked so worn out, and he hoped he’d sleep well tonight. But if personal experience was anything to go on, he doubted he would. When his own dad died, he didn’t sleep for a week.

Herc looked at the pair sitting across from them and was deeply glad that they had each other now. And yet…A long time ago, Douglas had said to him that he was happy that Martin had the potential opportunity to work with Swiss Air, and compared them to rats on a sinking ship, expressing that he was happy for his fellow rat who had jumped onto a passing speedboat, but a little jealous at his speedboat. While Herc was happy for them, he couldn’t help feeling a twinge of jealousy, deep inside his chest. That they had each other, and now he had to go back to being alone at night. Granted, he and Carolyn had never lived together, but nearly every night she had off; he was at hers or she at his. And now…he had no one. Where was his speedboat? Because if anything felt like a sinking ship, this did.

But he shook himself out of those thoughts. He would indulge them later, if needbe. He knew in his heart that later on tonight, he would go to pieces when he faced his empty bed, and he would allow it to hit him; the fact that it truly was empty. That Carolyn really wasn’t going to come back. And that was okay. But right now, Arthur needed him. The boy needed a dad, and a dad he would be.

Their food appeared in front of them and they all thanked their waitress. Herc extended his thanks to the kitchen for making his meal especially for him. She smiled warmly at them and told Herc that his message would be passed along. Arthur shyly asked her for a pineapple juice and she told him she’d bring it right away. The juice was in front of him less than a minute later. After asking if they needed anything else, and getting a chorus of “no, but thank you very much.” She left.

The moment the food hit the table, all four of them felt their appetites come roaring back to them, and they all _tucked in._ Martin was vaguely reminded of the time Arthur had tried to eat one hundred quiches during their SEP training day. However, all four of them rather than just Arthur were stuffing their faces. There was no talking beyond “please pass the soy sauce, Douglas?” and “Can you pass the sweet and sour sauce, Arthur?” 

Finally, the sound of metal forks hitting the plates could be heard, and they all began slowing down. “That was brilliant.” Arthur pushed his empty plate forward and drank some juice.

“That was very good.” Herc agreed, and finished his last egg roll before dabbing his mouth with the napkin.

Douglas nodded and burped politely into his napkin. “Delicious.” He replied.

Martin had only eaten about half of his meal, having been used to eating slowly to make food last, always leaving half, regardless of hunger. Though he had been living with Douglas for months now, and never needed to worry about from where or when his next meal was coming, he hadn’t been able to shake himself of the habit.

“What’s wrong, Skip?” Arthur asked. “Didn’t you like it?”

“Oh yes. I did. It was really good. I’m just full.” He smiled. “I’ll get the rest in a box to bring home.”

Douglas fully intended to make sure Martin ate the rest of it when they got home. He had slowly and gently been feeding him up since their relationship began, and while he had put on a little bit of weight, he was still far too thin for his tastes. No, Martin wasn’t a waif. He actually had a surprising amount of muscle that he had been extremely gratified to see when he got to see him shirtless for the first time. (He always changed in the loo when they were forced to share a hotel room on trips) His stomach was nicely toned as were his arms and legs. His shoulders and back were muscular as well, and Douglas could plainly remember that first night, how he could hardly stop touching his captain, his hands running up and down his back. Apparently, his Man with a Van job was good for one thing at least. However, at his last medical, the doctor told him he wanted to see him put on at least half a stone. How he could possibly be toned and yet underweight was a mystery to Douglas, but if anyone could, he supposed Martin would be the unlucky sod who would.

The waitress came with the cheque, but before setting it down, she asked if there was anything else they needed or wanted. When they all declined, she placed it on the middle of the table, and Martin asked for a box. After she went to get it, Herc and Douglas had a small squabble about who was to pay, and both flatly denied in unison when Martin offered.

In the end, Herc won out after a game of rock, paper, scissors, and when the waitress came back, he presented her with his card. She came back quickly with it and they all stood up. Herc signed his receipt and left a generous tip for the waitress. She had been exceptionally prompt and professional and most of all; kind. And they all needed a little kindness today.

They made it back outside to their cars. Martin and Douglas were to go home and Arthur and Herc were to go back to Herc’s. It was nearly three in the afternoon and they were all anxious to get out of their suits and ties and just sit down. Arthur gave each of them a hug and thanked them again before climbing into Herc’s Mercedes, while Martin and Douglas got into the other car.

It was a silent drive home for Martin and Douglas. When they arrived, Martin put his leftovers in the refrigerator before trudging upstairs after Douglas to their bedroom. He changed into a pair of pyjama bottoms and large tshirt and Douglas put on jeans and a jumper.

They agreed that telly would be a good idea so they went to the sitting room downstairs and sat on the sofa. Douglas sat against the arm of the couch and Martin cuddled in next to him, so his head was on Douglas’ shoulder and the older man’s arm was draped across his shoulders. Martin hugged Douglas’ middle with one arm and relaxed into the embrace.

About halfway through the episode of Top Gear that was playing, Douglas noticed that his shoulder was getting wet and he felt trembling against him. Martin was quietly sobbing into his shirt. “Hey…” he whispered and turned the television off before adjusting them so he could more easily and tightly embrace him with both arms. “What is it?”

“I know…I know it’s stupid…but…” he attempted to say before being lost to a fresh wave of tears.

“I know…and it’s okay.” Douglas began rubbing circles on his back. “Shhh. It’s okay. I’m going to miss her too.”

“It’s not just that” he began crying harder and Douglas just silently held him for several minutes.

“What is it then?” he finally asked quietly.

“What if? What if…I mean…you’re almost sixty. What if I lose you too?”

“You _aren’t.”_ He vowed and held him tighter. “You won’t. Not for a long, long time.” He soothed and kissed his hair.

“How do you know? We never…we never thought that we’d lose Carolyn! Now…” He looked up at him, his blue eyes swimming and red and Douglas kissed his forehead.

“When do you think Carolyn’s last medical was? She didn’t take the best care of herself. You know my health. You were there when I visited my doctor, remember? She said I had a perfect bill of health. Not even high cholesterol.”

“Yes. I know…I _know_ that. But what _if?”_ Martin insisted.

“Martin. When we decided to give this” he gestured between them “a go, we discussed that I am twenty years older than you. And yeah, statistics prove that I will die sooner than you. But I do everything to protect my health. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I exercise regularly. And while I like to indulge in a nice brie once in a while.” Martin looked at him with a slight smile, remembering their nearly daily battles for the cheese tray. “I take good care of myself. I’m a good many things, Martin, but I’m not immortal. I will die someday.” Martin looked at him, stricken but nodded.

“But I _want_ to live forever, and that’s the difference. I want to live for Verity, and for Emily, and for you. If we are going to love each other, you need to know that in all likelihood you will lose me. Someday. Not now. Not today. And you can’t be afraid of it. Because you won’t be able to enjoy our time together now. I’m alive. You’re alive. Let’s just enjoy that and not worry for tomorrow. Okay?” he hugged him tighter and looked into his eyes. His own brown eyes were intense and warm. “Can you do that?”

A single tear escaped and Martin wiped it away as he nodded. “Yeah. I can. I love you, so much Douglas.” He leaned up and kissed him softly, and Douglas returned it.

Suddenly, the kiss turned heated. Martin pressed in closer to him, and Douglas hugged him tighter, as his mouth opened and Martin’s tongue slid in. He let out a small noise, which Martin returned before the younger man moved to get up and straddle Douglas’ lap. They broke the kiss and Douglas wrapped his arms around Martin’s back and began kissing his neck.

“Alive.” Martin whispered and Douglas murmured it back against his skin, causing him to shiver. When he did, Douglas moved his head back to look up in to his eyes. “Alive and together. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Martin had just enough time to mumble before Douglas pulled him down for another deep snog.

“Douglas.” Martin breathed against Douglas’ lips.

“Martin.” He sighed back and he slid his hands under Martin’s tshirt to run his fingers across his back as he began kissing his neck again. “Oh god…Martin. I love you”

“I love you too.” He let out a small moan and his fingers dug into Douglas’ shoulders. He could feel himself rapidly hardening and was a little satisfied to feel Douglas’ similar condition. “Please…please can we go to bed?”

“Let’s go.”

Martin stood up and Douglas got up before taking him by the hand and leading him upstairs to their bedroom. Douglas pushed him gently down onto the bed and knelt over him, kissing him harder, pulling his jumper off.

“Wait.” Martin panted, chest heaving. God, he was so hard already and he wanted nothing more than to feel Douglas’ on top of him. But something nagged in his stomach. “We…we just had a funeral this morning.”

“And the world kept turning.” Douglas answered, tossing his jumper to the floor. “Martin.” He said very gently and took his chin in his fingers and turned his face upward to meet his eyes. “Carolyn is gone. But we aren’t. We’re alive, remember? We’re alive and whole and together and right now, I want to prove that to you.” He bent down and kissed him again, but softly.

“Yes.” The captain agreed and kissed him again. “Yes. God…yes, Douglas. To all of it.”

“Good.” Douglas kissed him deeper and Martin fumbled his tshirt off, to join Douglas’ jumper on the floor.

“God, you’re beautiful.” Douglas whispered and looked him over. “absolutely gorgeous.” He breathed and kissed his collarbone and then moved down to kiss his chest, tongue flicking over one peaked nipple. His hands roamed all across Martin’s toned stomach and up to his now tousled red curls.

Martin shuddered and gasped in response. “That’s you. You’re bloody gorgeous.” He reached down to unbutton Douglas’ flies, needing to be naked as soon as possible. “Need to feel you. Need to see you.”

Douglas stood quickly to remove his jeans and his pants before tugging Martin’s bottoms and pants off as well. When they were both completely naked, he came back and settled on top of him and kissed him harder.

It was all Martin could do to stop himself thrusting upwards against him. His cock was firmly pressed against Douglas’ and that felt bloody amazing by itself. “God. Christ Douglas…I feel like a teenager.”

“Perhaps we should go four days without more often.” He teased back with a smile.

“Never.” Martin leaned up and kissed him quickly. “Can never go without you.”

“Good. Then don’t.” Douglas replied and thrust once against him, with a moan.

Martin groaned in reply and thrust with him. “Never plan on it.”

They very quickly established a rhythm. Douglas reached over and grabbed the lube from inside the bedside table drawer. He smeared some on both of their cocks, which made the going easier. “Oh fuck.” Martin whimpered and began to slide faster. “Oh fuck that’s brilliant.” They both froze. Martin looked up at Douglas who was looking almost aghast at him.

“Don’t say brilliant again in bed. _Ever_.”

“I won’t.” Martin agreed and kissed him again.

Douglas returned the kiss and as they began rutting against each other again, he reached down and wrapped his hand around both of their cocks. Martin moaned loudly into his mouth and his hands gripped his shoulders as the pace quickened.

Martin could feel sweat breaking out across his forehead and hear Douglas’ breathing heavily between moans and sighs. He groaned and put his mouth on Douglas’ neck, feeling his pulse quicken. “Douglas” he whimpered.

“Oh god Martin…oh god, I need you.” The first officer moved faster and stroked them harder as they thrust against each other harder and faster.

It was Martin who succumbed first. He raised his hips a final time and came hard against Douglas with a loud, broken cry muffled by Douglas’ shoulder. The sensation sent Douglas straight into his own orgasm.

When it was over, and Douglas had clumsily cleaned them both up with a tissue from the bedside table and thrown it away, he took Martin into his arms and kissed his forehead, then his cheeks and then his lips. “I love you.” He whispered, voice husky. Martin opened his eyes and looked up at him. Douglas was weeping.

“I know.” Martin murmured back and kissed him quickly. He wiped Douglas’ tears away with his thumb and kissed the tracks they left upon his cheeks. “I know you love me and I love you too.”

They laid together in silence until they slowly fell asleep, Martin tucked against Douglas’ chest; safe and warm and whole and alive.

Meanwhile, across town, in another home, in another bed, Hercules Shipwright was wide awake, staring at the side that Carolyn used to occupy whenever she stayed there. The left side. Arthur had decided to go back home that afternoon, even though Herc had tried to convince him to stay. He had insisted that he wanted to be back at home, in his bed and Snoopadoop needed to be at home too. So for the first time since Carolyn had died, Herc was alone.

He reached over and took the pillow she used to use and held it to his nose, inhaling deeply. He needed just one…just one shred of Carolyn. Anything. A whiff of her perfume, or shampoo. Just one little, tangible reminder of their time together. Something for him to hold onto in the dark, to comfort him after spending four days comforting Arthur. Anything at all. He was drowning, and oh god, where was his damn speedboat?!. When he couldn’t smell even the remotest tinge of her hair, he let out a loud groan, deep from inside his chest. A scream of pure, unadulterated grief and anguish tore through him, and he let it out. A single sound of white hot rage and pain. He curled around that single pillow cradled to his chest and sobbed himself to sleep.


End file.
